So many thoughts run through my mind these days. I don’t know where I am going with this post, but I have a powerful urge to put pen to paper and try to explain what has happened to us all. What’s happening to me and to us from my eyes and my perspective. We are all going through this together but with our own unique experiences.
In typical Australian slang we have ‘affectionately’ nick-named this virus Rona. It makes it appear less threatening, but we are still witnessing a historic moment unfolding before our eyes. We are part of it. Documenting it from a personal point of view is important. For future generations to understand what it was like, and perhaps for us to remember and learn from.
I try, and mostly succeed, to stay positive and make the most of this ‘exile’ that Covid-19 has forced us into. But I also suffer many moments where my mind takes me into a deep sadness. When I think of the future; wonder when this will all end. Anxiety takes hold then, and I worry if I will ever see my family again and hug them tight. I try to not go there and rather stay in the moment. Worrying serves no purpose, but I am human like everyone else.
Life is so precious and we are now all witnessing just how precious and how quickly we can lose it. On a global scale it has reminded us of our own mortality; we witness the loss of so many lives; we feel the crippling grip that anxiety produces; how vulnerable we all are and mostly how much we depend on each other. How connected and alike we are no matter what race, religion or political stand we may take in life. This virus does not care what colour our skin is or which member of parliament we vote for. We are all equal in this.
This virus has turned lives upside down across the whole globe, and we seem to find ourselves as earth’s actors in Groundhog Day. Social restrictions has peeled back life to a simple routine of staying home as much as possible; of eating, exercising, working and doing things in our home.
For me I am lucky enough to be able to work for a company that has allowed us to work from home. I have been home for over three weeks with my work desk set up in my bedroom. I reduced my commute from 20km each way to 1.5mtrs. I no longer need an alarm to get me up on time. My car sits in my garage pretty much all the time apart from a weekly drive to keep it going, often to a remote part for some sanity and exercise in the fresh air.
I am blessed with a wide veranda and as the weather in Sydney is still sunny I spend a lot of spare time out there. I have enough space for a dining table, a small area for a few pots of vegetables (I’m a newbie gardener) and an open space for my yoga mat. Enormous trees in front of my veranda are often a popular hangout for local birds, and despite Sydney being a big city it is peaceful and I am part of nature.
It is Easter Sunday and many are experiencing the loss of connecting with family, even more so today. We are not allowed to visit over this break. My family are all over the world so big family gatherings do not happen often. Still, that doesn’t make today any easier. I connected with my girls on Zoom earlier today. We laughed and chatted and were also saddened by the distance and absurdity of this whole experience, knowing we no longer have the choice to just hop on a plane. I was only days away from booking a trip in August this year to see my family in Denmark and my daughter in San Francisco when this all hit. This is now on hold……. typing this brings me to tears.
The emotions of these weird and scary times always silently lurking under the surface; only routine and immersing myself either in work or my favourite activities seem to be able to ease my mind. In fact, routine seem to be the saviour in these strange times; the routine grounds us, makes us feel nurtured and in control in a world that right now feels out of control.
Many are no doubt going through the same negative emotions, but I also want to acknowledge there is so much positive in this experience. I have poured my emotional brain out in this post; a bit of a ‘no filter’ post, but I need it to get me back into writing. My muse went on holidays when Covid-19 hit.
In my next post on my experience on Rona, I will focus on the positives coming out of this. Amongst the vast amount of despair, sadness and fear there are countless examples of positive aspects. It’s essential we hold on to that while riding this out.
Stay well peeps, stay at home and wash your hands.